My blog hasn’t seen much attention this past year. Every now and again I get a follow notification, or think up a new post idea, and just sigh. Because when you and your family are going through something hard, the last place you want to put your creative exploits is in the public eye. Instead I’ve been throwing myself into the other half of my life, my university course, and though things happen out on our little patch every day, my tapping away has been on less consumable subjects.
But I have found other opportunities to share myself. My course this year contained an art journaling component, and I’ve been happily turning my life grievances into doodles, collages, paintings, and whatever other self-expression I can squeeze between two pages.

Before this project, I had little reason to believe art journaling could come close to the thought clarifying and cathartic nature of traditional journaling. For a long time I’ve found solace in notebooks. In recent years I picked up the habit of writing Morning Pages. This is where writers produce three consecutive A4 pages of uninterrupted free writing daily. It’s everywhere, The Guardian’s headline leads you to believe it will change your life. It’s pretty great.
“Pages are meant to be, simply, the art of moving the hand across the page and writing down whatever comes to mind.”
– Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity. 10th edition. New York: Tarcher Penguin, 2002. Pp. 4.9-1
Giving my unconscious unrestricted range to churn out imagery has led me to some surprising corners of my own mind. My thoughts and opinions in free-writing can be almost unrecognisable from the palatable, dolled-up versions I allow in conscious thinking. The emotions that come out are often young and defensive, in need of acknowledgement and some nurturing. When these parts of myself get to have a voice, it is painful realising just how much I’ve neglected them. So I keep coming back to hear what they have to say.
There was no boundary on the art journal assignment; it could be whatever we wanted it to be. This is usually death for me, I like clear questions and hoops to jump through; years of studying have made me scared to test out my own interpretation for fear of going in the wrong direction. So I picked up a copy of Cathy Malchiodi’s The Soul’s Palette, and hoped it would tell me what to do. Cathy had some interesting things to say on creativity, but my easy-out was an over-complication of something I already knew how to do. I took the same approach as I did with my morning pages, I kept moving my hand on the page until I was moved myself.

Over the months I became used to the idea of using the imagery in my mind’s eye to find a beginning on a blank page. In going about my day I’d notice a persistent phrase or image creeping up on me, and have to dash to my craft desk to capture the fragment. Sometimes I could yield to the urge for spontaneous art making, other times settling for making unintelligible lists instructing future me to ‘draw lots of hair’, or ask ‘why wasn’t I happy to find the [metaphorical] knife’.
By the deadline I had an illustrative record of my emotional life during a time of deep heartache and unmatched personal growth. As I look through and touch the pages I feel connected to the artworks in a way I’ve never been able to experience my work before. I don’t see errors or wish for something different. I’m too distracted by how moved I am, too compassionate towards myself in those captured moments.
Term has now come to an end, and only a few days into the summer holiday I’m already twiddling my thumbs, itching for a new project to consume my attention. But I’m also trying to hold back from that urge a little and honour the efforts I’ve already made. This year has helped me find something genuine within myself, and with it a way to put something meaningful into the world. Whether I pick up the lined or the plain paper I’m expressing something far closer to myself then I ever have before.





























